Blog Style - Asian Sunday & Style

Sham’s column: Smelly Onions

Life & style

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August 28, 2013

Smelly onions!
I was at the local surgery when this Asian woman walked in and sat a few rows in front of me. Patiently (excuse the pun) I waited for my turn to see the GP when suddenly there was this unbearable smell of cooked onions fill the room and intoxicate the whole surgery. For a second I thought nah, it can’t be, it’s 9:15am, it’s way too early to be cooking haandi, but the more I thought about it the more the stench grew stronger and stronger. I mean I could even tell which spices she had been using because as soon as the onions hit you then comes the wave of masalas following. I could smell thomb (garlic), adrakk (ginger), and even got a whiff of haldi (turmeric) and thaniya (coriander). Hang on, let me get at tissue, my mouths watering now!

What was puzzling was the fact that didn’t she know she was going to visit the GP and that perhaps she could have got changed? Ok so she may have been rushing but still, a few squirts of D&G Light Blue wouldn’t have gone amiss!

But then I realised, this actually happens a lot. I’ve been to different places when I’ve been subject to the very distinctive pyaaz(onion) khushboo

(fragrance) of people, which I’m sure you all know can not be mistaken. I remember once when I was shopping in town and this auntyji walked passed me smelling of pyaaz and bazaar(mixed masala spices) that she nearly knocked me out. But get this, if you thought that was bad add a little BO and you’ve got the mother of a deadly mix! Thoba thoba she smelt that bad she could make onions cry! I couldn’t believe it. Now I understand we all can’t smell our own bodies like others do but if you’ve clearly been in the kitchen and worked up a sweat, you would clean yourself up before going in public right?

The best, or should I say the worst experience for me is from my dear family friend. I was doing a door to door campaign when I knocked on my friends door to explain about an event I was holding. As soon as the door opened I was hit with a smell of fish, paan, bay leaves, and some very strange spice used for fish. Oh my days I nearly fell backwards and I couldn’t get a word out. I actually started coughing and laughing at the same time. I coughed so much that tears began to roll down my face, I just couldn’t compose myself to speak. The poor woman who had opened the door advanced forward to see if I was okay but when she opened her mouth there was this upper cut knock out punch of a smell that made it worse. And if you thought that was bad when I saw her orange teeth chewing some nut shaped object I nearly puked! Although it was a shock it actually was quite funny and eventually I managed to speak to the family. Oh and I was invited in but decided to stay outside where it was safe! When I walked off I still could smell the stench on me it was that overpowering!

But let me tell you something, I was shocked the other day to find out that even I smell sometimes! I couldn’t believe it. I went to the gym and after finishing off I went to my locker to get changed and as soon as I opened the door I was hit by masala! I was so disgusted with myself because I thought I was actually the clean type! Yeah right! I realised that when mum is cooking the kitchen is a no go zone. Every time she cooks and I just walk through the smell just seems to latch on. You know, my luck is so bad that it just so happens that when I ever walk through the kitchen it has to coincide with the exact time when the garlic and ginger are being added to the handi.

That’s the worst possible time you could ever get as the hissing of the handi at that particular time lets off a lot of steam, which naturally comes straight onto me instead of going through the air vent! So I now do two things, one try and avoid the kitchen and two keep a bottle of Energise in my car to hide the smell, but even this sometime comes off worse!

Tip of the Day: if you can’t be bothered to have a shower use Fabreeze, it’ll at least hide your stink!

Asian Sunday Newspaper Edition 47

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July 30, 2013

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If you missed the hard copy of last Sunday’s edition then don’t worry as edition 47 is available to read online.

Editor’s Column: To be or not to be ‘Bradistan’

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July 29, 2013

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Editor’s Column: To be or not to be ‘Bradistan’

To be or not to be ‘Bradistan’
If you didn’t all know by now, then you will get to know how much of a proud Bradfordian I am. Yes, for our regular readers, I’m having a rant again on our lovely city. A blog headline caught my eye recently which read ‘BRADISTAN COUNCIL AT IT AGAIN!!!!’
The post was about how a Keighley patriotic cafe owner was ordered to remove Union Jack flags from railings on the pavement outside her business claiming a Bradford Council official told her daughter they were ‘racist’. The Council issued a statement stating it was not down to racism but down to safety reasons and people are often asked to remove banners or advertising on railings. Well, whatever the argument, it’s the word ‘Bradistan’ I have a real problem with.
Lately wherever I look I seem to come across the word Bradistan, on social media, even some of my friends saying “I’m coming to Bradistan”. Apparently the word Bradistan has come about because of the large Pakistani population in Bradford. Well I don’t see Leicester being called Leicesteridia, due to their large (much larger than Bradford’s Pakistani population might I add) Indian population!
Bradford is a diverse, multi-cultural city and if we are to show that we are much more united as a city and not segregated, then being labelled Bradistan does us no credit. It was lovely to read a blog by a fellow Leeds resident called Keith Nuttal, who moved from Leeds to Bradford in 1992. He goes on to say he’d had enough of living in Leeds, which he found congested, hostile and disappointing. By contrast Bradford people are friendly and unassuming, if a little rough around the edges. He goes on to say how he finds the nickname Bradistan for Bradford, politically incorrect and that as far as he was concerned it was a cosmopolitan and curry house haven.
Mr Nuttal rightly highlights that Bradford was once a wealthy industrial centre, but since losing out on the wool trade, the city has been struggling for an identity since. Bradford is not just the UK’s curry capital, but also City of Film, with world class art (1853 Gallery in Salts Mill), The Bronte Museum and so much more, which includes the prospering and rich South Asian culture. It’s unfair to label a city of such rich of history and diverse culture.
In my opinion, if we are ever to shave off the negativity of Bradford and put the positive back, we must come up with a better nickname for a start. Agree or not anyone using the word Bradistan from now on should be fined in my opinion…maybe the money could be put to marketing the city which is more representative of the amazing things that surround us.

To be or not to be Bradistan….! Your thoughts please!

Shabab Column: Insurance Continued…

Money

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July 29, 2013

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Insurance Continued…
It seems we have stirred a large debate regarding insurance. You may recall edition 45 where I talked about if Insurance is haraam and different to death committees.
We touched upon the issue of what happens when a Muslim dies with debt, and has no insurance to repay their debts.
First of all, for those of you that thought I was advocating insurance as Halal, this was not the case. I said my view is insurance per say is haraam (forbidden), but I took the debate further. Insurance is regarded as haraam because of where the insurance company invests the funds.
First of all thanks for all the comments. Many of you agreed with me in that Islamic scholars have failed to look at what else is out there that can protect a Muslim from dying in debt.
Some of you highlighted grave concerns that you leave your affairs in the hands of God, but you feel that God has given us a brain, and we should use our brains to sort out affairs before death. One of you went as far as to say is it not our duty if our religion says you should not die owing people money to use takaful insurance (a form of cooperative insurance, run according to Islamic Law).
Unfortunately, there is no takaful insurance in the UK at the moment. I believe this maybe launched by a bank in a year or two but I am sceptical whether they will be able to launch such a complicated product so soon.
One of you felt this obsession with committees is damaging the community. Why? Well because having say £3000 worth of benefits when paying £20.00 a year may put off some people actually thinking how much money your family needs on death. I agree with this because £3000 in this day and age does not go a long way. The reader highlighted what’s the guarantee the money is still there as lets face it money does go missing in some voluntary organisations.
The crucial message that was received from the readership was scholars should stop putting their hands in the sand and not listening to real concerns of Muslims.
We need clarity on what a Muslim should do if he has debt to sort his affairs on death. We need to know if these committees are Halal, and we need to know if insurance is permissible under the rules of necessity when one has debt but does not wish to die with debt.
Next month. Islamic wills, but what about my Inheritance Tax Bill?

Disclaimer: Please note views expressed in this column do not represent views of any financial institution or financial advisor.

Sham’s Column: Chupp Karo! (Be quite!)

Life & style

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July 29, 2013

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Chupp Karo! (Be quite!)
Here’s a question for you? Why is it that when us Asians are out and about our volume seems to automatically go up and we speak so loud? I mean I’m all for a laugh and expression through animated conversation but why do we have to go over the top and tell the whole world what we’re talking about? I was in town again having a nosey around when I heard this thunder of a noise. I was confused. I didn’t know whether to look up to the sky and watch out for lightening or run for cover! But it was sunny! To the left of me was an Asian family shopping: mum, aunty and five kids and yes you know what happens… The kids were being naughty and running off, hitting each other, you know how it is. But what was disturbing was how the mother hurled pure Punjabi abuse at them with some obscene words and gestures. I can’t actually write them here otherwise you probably won’t hear from me again but let me tell you it was ‘jungli’! What’s more funny is how when we get angry we hurl English obscenities with our ‘apna’ twang, you know for example ‘bladdy stewpid’, ‘heediot’ and ‘seely phool’! It get’s funnier when we mix the languages together. These are the classics, ‘you are a big kanjarr’, ‘bladdy pagal dangarr’ and ‘stewpid kotha’!

I remember once I was sat outside my home watching the world go by and heard the neighbour proper giving it some. I thought there must be some sort of fight with the amount of disgusting abuse I heard. When I went to investigate, it was the mother having a go at her five year old because he had spilt some milk in the garden! Stewpid ghaa! Have you also noticed how the decibels seem to increase when ‘auntiyah’ are shopping? Every time I’ve been to buy some groceries there seems to be a herd of Asian women shopping. Well actually they’re having a right good old natter, which is pretty cool but it just gets crazy when they are speaking so loud. I mean I really don’t want to know that someone is having toilet problems or that so and so’s daughter has thrown her husband out! I even heard someone had got married for the third time and the ‘randy codger’ was going to be a dad again. He walks with a walking stick! The worst part was you seem to be drawn into the conversation whilst waiting to be served and then they make eye contact with you and wait for your opinion (or is it your agreement to what’s being said). The younger generation are getting louder and louder too. Whilst on the school run the kids spilled out from school like a tub of marbles that had been knocked over, going all over the place. It’s a mission to try and avoid the rush of hungry little blights but try and ignore the noise! No chance! It’s like a sea of constant high pitched annoying noise yet add that to all the mothers yapping away gossiping about what so and so did and others chasing their kids and throwing the odd verbal abuse, you’ve got no chance. Let’s move a generation up – the teens! At least you can clip an ear of a little one to listen to you but the teenagers are something else. Not only do they talk loud they actually swear at each other like it’s a normal thing. And we’re not talking the simple English swears, we’re talking the disgusting and very personal Punjabi abuse. The only time they are quiet is when they’re on their phones to their girlfriends (or vice versa) this is when they go low key and giggle. You can so tell their chatting to some kuri or kura! Even the elders are at it. I remember my aunty once was on the phone but she was talking so loud so I automatically assumed she’s on the phone to someone in Pakistan. When I asked who she was speaking with, I was told it was her best friend from up the road, and she’s not deaf! I mean the whole street could hear her! I daren’t ask her to quieten down or anything because she’s the type with the evil stare and trust me you don’t want to fall foul of that. I’ll leave that story for another day.

Maharaja or Maharani 3rd in Line For The Throne

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July 22, 2013

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Maharaja or Maharani 3rd in Line For The Throne
By Zara Hassan

Kate and William to welcome their baby to the world, Indian style?

As we all know, the Duchess of Cambridge Kate Middleton is expecting her first child this month, and who knows whilst writing this she may have already given birth.

At Asian Sunday we pondered on how this baby will be, how this baby will look and how he/she will be presented to the world.

Some of you may be aware from recent reports Prince William has Anglo-Indian heritage dating back to 1790, his great-great-great-great-great grandfather was believed to have a daughter from a lady who was a part Indian housekeeper.

Kate and Williams’ baby is clearly destined for this Indian DNA, so now your thinking, what is he or she really going to be like and what will they name him or her, Raj of Cambridge? Kajol of Cambridge? Who knows, the possibilities are endless.

Now, let’s just imagine, this baby is 100% Indian (highly unlikely!)

According to Indian tradition it is considered bad luck to buy any clothes, toys or items for the baby. It is said that when the baby is born it is made to wear old clothes worn by other family members to create a positive atmosphere for the baby and the mother.

A baby shower is thrown for the mother this is when she is showered with blessings as well as money and clothes.

Throughout the pregnancy many auspicious ceremonies are carried out, a ritual called ‘Gord Bharai’ is held for the first child, women gather and shower the mother with blessings and henna is applied to her hands as music and dance celebrate the new arrival.

At a later stage of pregnancy, the mum-to-be’s parents go to their daughters house to gift her with clothes and gold, soon after, the mum-to-be returns to her maternal home with her parents and returns 40 days with child. The elders of the house wrap black thread around the baby’s wrists to ward off evil eye, demons and any bad spirits, something the Queen will do perhaps.

Don’t you think this is what Kate is doing? With reports from the media about Kate returning to her mother’s until the baby is due, is taking the Indian DNA seriously too?

So visualise this, Kate and William carry their first child out of the hospital, a glowing Kate smiles and shows her baby to the paparazzi who is covered in a royal hand-me-down blanket, they get a close up of the baby who’s wearing a KURTA and PYJAMA and a little matching DUPATTA! He/she is tanned in colour and its big brown eyes stare on. The baby waves its arms, and its little wrists have black threads around them, Kate and William continue to enjoy the moment as proud parents.

When all is said and done, we can only wish Kate and William the best of luck with their new healthy baby and we wish them happiness and joy as they become parents. Here’s hoping we do get some Royal mithai delivered to celebrate the occasion!

Ex Eastenders star campaigning for safer driving in Bradford

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July 18, 2013

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Ex Eastenders star campaigning for safer driving in Bradford
By Zara Hassan

Ameet Chana teams up with Motor Insurers’ Bureau as they kick start their summer campaign – Drive Insured

Star of Eastenders and Bend it like Beckham, Ameet, will be at the Kirkgate shopping centre on the 27 and 28 of July. Ameet joined MIB campaigning at Manchester Mela on 6 and 7 of July, where he talked to young people about the dangers of uninsured drivers.

MIB’s campaign is focusing on areas in North West, West Yorkshire and the West Midlands as these places are said to be hotspots for people breaking law on insurance.

“I wasn’t aware that so many people are taking the huge risk of driving without insurance, so when I found out about the scale of the problem I didn’t think twice about lending my support to the MIB campaign” said Ameet.

According to MID (Motor Insurance Database) Birmingham and Bradford dominate the top spots for uninsured driving in a UK national ranking. Areas such as Bordesley and Small Heath in Birmingham and the BD9 area in Bradford are 6 to 7 times higher than the national average of uninsured drivers.

Currently there are an estimated 1.2 million uninsured motorists on UK roads and about 26,500 people are injured and 130 people killed by uninsured and untraced drivers in the UK every year.

Ashton West, Chief Executive of MIB, said “although we’re making progress in reducing levels of uninsured driving, our data shows that significant numbers of people in cities such as Manchester, Birmingham and Bradford are still driving without proper insurance.”

Ameet alongside MIB will also be at the Birmingham Eid Mela on the 18 of August.

Leading Asian Supermarket in Flames

News

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July 18, 2013

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Leading Asian Supermarket in Flames
By Zara Hassan

Fire fighters are currently battling to control a huge blaze at Pakeeza Supermarket as the whole building is covered in flames.

Management of the superstore say the fire is under control and what caused the fire is yet unknown.

Fire fighters were called to the scene at 1.20pm and as the drama unfolded more crews were directed there.

Police have cordoned off the area to prevent the fire spreading to nearby Morrisons petrol station.

More updates soon.

Asian Sunday Newspaper Edition 46

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July 15, 2013

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If you missed the hard copy of last Sunday’s edition then don’t worry as edition 46 is available to read online. We get an insight into Ramadan with our very own Bradfordian Rashid Khan of Channel 4’s ‘A very British Ramadan’. Ghap Shap with Mike Smith, Our take on the arrival of Kate and William’s baby, business news, showbiz and much much more….Oh don’t forget to enter our competition where you could win a music CD of Bollywood’s latest ‘Bhaag Milkha Bhaag’… enjoy!

Editor’s column: Ramadan disciplines

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July 15, 2013

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Ramadan disciplines
Ramadan, the ninth month of the Islamic calendar, has begun, and devout Muslims across the world will observe the month by fasting during the daytime.
My column this edition is a personal one. I hope to share my own personal experiences of observing the month of Ramadan, with both my Muslim and Non-Muslim readers.
In shorthand descriptions of Ramadan, it’s sometimes said that the fast lasts from sunrise to sunset. That’s not true. That would be easy! It actually begins at the first ray of dawn, or, as it says in the Koran, “when the white thread of day becomes distinct from the blackness of night.”
The first fast for me started on July 10 and was from around 230am till 940pm, lasting just over 18 hours. Keeping the fast and increasing acts of worship during this blessed month is not an easy task. The physical demands of balancing work or school with fasting all day, feeling fatigued and less effective than you normally are, waking up for Suhoor,(meal before dawn) performing your five daily prayers and additional Taraweeh prayer, dealing with sleep deficits. The first fast is always the hardest. Right from the moment you wake up for the pre-dawn meal (Suhoor or sehri) and after drinking your final glass of water as you seal your fast, you wish you had a little more time to slip in a second cup of coffee.
It’s impossible to fully stock up, no matter how much food or water or coffee you pour into yourself at dawn, it will never be enough to drown the body’s yearnings until sunset. But the day was easier than I had worried it would be. My main struggle was keeping from unconsciously jamming food into my mouth whenever I passed through the kitchen (This is also true when it’s not Ramadan).
As I opened my first fast and had my first gulp of water in over 18 hours I thought of how Muslims all over the country were doing exactly the same and, in time with the turning of the earth, Muslims all over the world.
Then I thought of the poor who didn’t have the luxury we had to eat after sunset. There I was staring at a huge spread of curries, sweets, desserts and fruit, however, by the time I had gulped down three glasses of water, the only appealing food item (despite my cravings throughout the day) was the watermelon, a few mouthfuls and I was full. My next worry was to ensure I lasted till 2am for prayers and Suhoor, so I automatically disciplined myself to not overeat and to follow the true spirit of Ramadan. Once I had completed my prayers observed Suhoor, I tried to grab at much sleep as I could from 3am before my alarm clock started bleeping for wake up time for work at 8am. The sleep deprivation really kicks in.
However, now on my third fast as I write this, the disciplines of praying and fasting really have taught me self control.
During Ramadan, Muslims are also expected to refrain from gossip and complaining, to avoid anger and lust, to increase what should already be a high level of charitability. Fasting was the easy part. I liked to think of myself as someone who was slow to speak ill of people, and for whom generosity was a reflex, but the discipline of the first few fasts revealed to me that this was just not the case.