What was once a taboo topic in Asian communities, is now a highly growing social problem, with there being a generational shift in conversations around divorce amongst British Asians.
Although this stigma still exists, in westernised sub-cultures, across the UK and US, divorce has become more socially acceptable to be discussed.
After coming to the realisation that most Sikh men don’t want to marry a divorcee, award-winning Journalist Minreet Kaur talks to Asian Sunday about why she discusses her divorce openly, in articles and online.
“I want women to have a voice and not brush things under the carpet. I felt like I didn’t have a voice for so long and it’s about time South Asians speak up. We have had it ingrained in us to stay together, put up and shut up.
“People are not stuck in a marriage if unhappy, they are more independent and want to be happy in their life not sacrifice their happiness for someone just because that’s what the community want them to do”.
Kaur says times have changed “More people are getting divorced, and some are on their third marriage. It’s no longer a big taboo but some people will still judge you”.
Looking back over a decade, Minreet, who married at the age of 27, and was divorced within a year of the marriage, says “It was a huge stigma back then, people would talk down to you, say horrible comments and it made me feel so low and I lost all confidence.
“Now people are getting divorced and no longer putting up with an unhappy marriage. People have a voice and because the times have changed, and more people want to live a life that’s right for them they don’t care what others say”.
A new UK law is making it easier for couples to divorce, as the Divorce, Dissolution and Separation Act, 2020, which introduces no-fault divorces in England and Wales, has now come into force and represents arguably the biggest change to divorce law in the last fifty years.
The new ‘no-fault’ law means that a spouse, or a couple jointly, can now apply for a divorce by stating their marriage has broken down irretrievably, the Act seeks to end the “blame game” and reduce the impact that allegations of the blame can have on separating couples and children.
According to divorce specialist, James Brien, divorce rates in the UK could surge by more than 50% in 2022.
“Each year, two years’ separation is used in approximately 26% of all divorce cases”.
Brien adds “Divorces could surge by 30,000 cases in 2022 because couples who have been separated for three and four years don’t need to wait until year 5”.
Also normalising conversations around divorce is the Bollywood film industry, as a recently released Hindi film, is said to have all the potential to hit the right chord at the box office and is centred around divorce and post-marriage issues.
Karan Johar’s multi-starrer Jug Jugg Jeeyo featuring Varun Dhawan, Kiara Advani, Anil Kapoor and Neetu Kapoor was released on 24 June.
In playing the character of Bheem, Anil Kapoor says “Everybody has a selfish streak to them, which can sometimes be disruptive. No one is a saint. For some people, whatever instincts and dreams they have, they keep within themselves, they control themselves but there are some people who don’t care”.
Asian Sunday spoke to specialists in divorce, to get a perspective on why divorce rates are high among British Asians and if the stigma of divorce still exists.
Jay Patel, Director of the Family department at Lawrence Stephens law firm says “British Asians are more likely to divorce now, than other generations who came to the UK in the 50s and 60s, as the previous generations would not get divorced for fear of facing harassment or being rejected from their families.
“Amongst the younger generation of British Asians, they are integrated into British culture more comfortably compared to previous generations and therefore attitudes to divorce and family life has changed”.
He further adds “There are several reasons for this. One of the main aspects is that the stigma around divorce is not as prevalent amongst the younger generation. Women are now more likely to have a career and thus be financially independent. They, therefore, would feel more comfortable taking the step to commence divorce proceedings as they are financially independent”.
Alexandra Goldrein, Associate Solicitor in the family team at Slater Heelis Solicitors told Asian Sunday, that she has noticed that times have changed:
“Divorce amongst the British Asian community is still relatively low in comparison to others but when it does happen, the cases I see can become somewhat fraught and require sensitive legal representation”.
She adds, “Despite new laws, an Islamic divorce is a much quicker process than an English divorce when considering whether the parties are civilly married, the ceremony, for example, would have needed to have taken place in a registered building”.
“In my experience when British Asians seek to divorce, there are a number of trends I am seeing more often these days, but the primary topic is that of money and the fair distribution of monies on divorce”.
