In a deeply personal essay for The Cut, clinical psychologist Lilly Jay has opened up about the emotional aftermath of her divorce from Broadway actor Ethan Slater. Without naming names, Jay alluded to Slater’s relationship with his Wicked co-star Ariana Grande and detailed the challenges of navigating motherhood and divorce under public scrutiny.
Jay, who specialises in perinatal mental health and child development, shared poignant insights into her life as a mother to her and Slater’s two-year-old son. “Motherhood, I have learned, fills your time but not your mind,” she wrote, reflecting on how she has worked to come to terms with the abrupt end of her marriage while caring for her child.
“In the countless hours I spend rocking my son to sleep, pushing his stroller, marvelling at his sweaty little hands grasping a crayon, I work diligently on my private project of accepting the sudden public downfall of my marriage,” Jay explained. Despite the pain, she has found a glimmer of hope. “Slowly but surely, I have come to believe that in the absence of the life I planned with my high-school sweetheart, a lifetime of sweetness is waiting for me and my child.”
Navigating Divorce in the Spotlight
Slater, 32, and Grande, 31, began dating earlier this year following his separation from Jay and her split from Dalton Gomez. Slater and Jay’s divorce was finalised in September, marking the end of a 12-year relationship and a nearly six-year marriage. The couple’s son was born in August 2022, just months before their separation.
Reflecting on the unexpected end of her marriage, Jayadmitted, “No one gets married thinking they’ll get divorced, in the same way we don’t board a plane expecting to crash. But I really never thought I would get divorced. Especially not just after giving birth to my first child and especially not in the shadow of my husband’s new relationship with a celebrity.”
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She also described her struggle to adjust to the loss of the privacy she once cherished in her professional and personal life. “In this season of shock and mourning, over a year after the end of my marriage was made public, I deeply miss the life of invisibility I created for myself as a psychologist specialising in women’s mental health,” she wrote.
Jay recounted how people from her past had reached out after seeing her name in the tabloids, while her patients remained silent. She admitted that the publicity she never consented to has posed challenges but has also offered an opportunity for connection. “If I’m discovered—as what, being vulnerable?—perhaps it could be a point of connection rather than a clinical liability,” she wrote.
Jay also reflected on her battle with postpartum depression, which she feared “would destroy” her. However, she insisted that she is “okay” and ready to embrace her newfound visibility. “If I can’t be invisible anymore, I may as well introduce myself,” she wrote. Using a metaphor, she added, “You know how a sponge is most effective at absorbing liquid when it’s already a bit wet? Maybe we can think about my messy not-so-personal life in that way: a dose of my own loss, rage, powerlessness, sadness that helps me hold yours.”
Co-Parenting with Ethan Slater
Despite the dramatic changes in their relationship, Jay expressed gratitude for their shared commitment to co-parenting. “While our partnership has changed, our parenthood has not. Both of us fiercely love our son 100 percent of the time, regardless of how our parenting time is divided,” she wrote.
Jay’s essay offers an honest and heartfelt perspective on loss, resilience, and finding strength amidst public and personal challenges.
